Falling is easy,

Staying in love is hard

Hard to be honest and keep our heart open

And be who we truly are

Without the excuse

Without the facade

She sat on her designated seat dreading for her turn,her turn on that question she feared would be asked .It was her time to be honest because she had known better than to lie .She was no close to perfection,no one ever is.

“Are you in a relationship?”

She looked beside her,around her to really confirm it was her turn to speak.Her thoughts were not helping with the should I or should I not ideas.She braced herself,took a breath and almost pretended to be thinking about it

“Am……………..uh………….kind of……. actually…’s complicated!very complicated…….”

She looked to the next person hoping to here the word next but nothing.Everybody wanted to know what it meant to be in a complicated situation because to them it was either black or white no shade of grey.She wanted to speak but her greatest fear was to be judged by the people she loved most.

“But you are a Christian!”

“But you looked innocent!”

She wished they understood how many times she looked in the mirror and told herself she was going to pull herself out of everything even if it meant by the hair. She wished she had been contented with loving herself and her God before everyone else .Yes,she wished she’d known the magnitude of the words ‘I Love you’.

Her silence meant she did not want to talk about it.Their eyes……oh their eyes wanted more,more than she could say. The only place she could narrate it all was in her mind diary,yes and it kept reminding her over and over again.

She met him and she immediately told herself that they couldn’t be,they just couldn’t me. Then his persistent nature that had no fear in holding her hand in public and giving her light kisses on her forehead……..she felt a slice of heaven or at least she thought she did.Her mistake was confusing public display of affection for eternal love…….she was wrong… damn wrong!

Everytime she thought of him she felt butterflies in her stomach and goosebumps all over her body. Then came the idea of having children and then cute baby names she would have for them..Denis for a boy and Dennisse for a girl…yeah that was her favorite name.She never wanted to go a step further……..she felt like the casual phone calls and chatting was enough.You see when he wanted more,she couldn’t stay but her heart couldn’t run.Aaargh she wanted to honour her creator but she also didn’t want to miss the butterfly feeling.Would he ever understand that she loved him but her honouring her Creator was more important.With time she has realized that if she only was with him for the goosebumps and the butterflies than the actual love then was that infatuation?If her goal was to get to the matching outfit stage and the relationship goals hashtag then was that love?nah.

You see love isn’t confusing,dishonourable,sketchy or foolish.It doesn’t make you feel insecure on your back,no,it makes you stand confident on your feet.It honors the innermost feelings you are willing to share.It covers your naked finger before it asks to see your naked body.It makes you a wife before it makes you a mother.It loves all the time.It is willing to sacrifice itself and it’s desires for what is right not what is convenient.It is willing to be disciplined and self contolled.God is love,the blue print she wants to follow not any sloppy seconds

She is getting herself back because after all the bible says in Song of songs 8;4

Promise me ,O women of Jerusalem NOT TO AWAKEN LOVE UNTIL THE TIME IS RIGHT.

There is always gonna be a time for everything and for love too.Dont beat yourself up for being single and others in whatever stage of relationship .Time will come and that time will be right.

I will finish with a question

If you were to get married today and all the boys or girls you’ve dated in your life decide to line up next to you as you said I do,how would it be?



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Honestly this has been something I have wanted to talk about for the longest not just because I am seeing a lot of it but I have been guilty of it.It was just a normal weekday at home and if you know me you me you know I like TV scratch that i love Tv.To those that call me during holidays and am line busy just know I that I am not aware of the location my phone. You are  probably wondering if we fight for the remote like siblings do absolutely but the good thing of having brothers is its so easy to like convince them to just leave the remote.Sweet talk them,give them credit but the one that has worked for me is promising to wash their clothes😊.

So I don’t remember what the day of the week it was but my favourite telemundo soap opera was about to start ‘My heart beats for lola’and yes it had reached that part where you know that you know that you know you don’t want to miss.You’ve even prepared supper so that nobody disturbs you.My mum came from work just when it was about to start and me am thinking she’ll join me because she loves this program as much as I do.The moment she sits down she asks me for the remote and changes the channel to……..KASS TV!!!!!.Honestly I wanted to grab the remote but I can’t because she’s my mum and she is a professionally trained teacher with various tactics  of punishment like her pinching is so painful.I wanted to close the television but I did not pay for it.I reminded her what part of the soap we are in just in case she forgot but she is still smiling at Kenene International thenSweet Star then to the late Chelele’s songs.

Now am going through my gallery but am wishing ‘stima ipotee’ and I start humming to annoy her but still nothing!!.So I decide to play my christian card telling my mum how saved people should not be watching such music and to my dissapointment she lowers the volume of the TV and is like why are you judging my watching when you want to watch something that is not even morally good for someone like you.That was enough to make me leave and find something else to do.We Christians are like that:judging other people because of sinning differently.I am here holding a gossiping degree course discussing how you’ve not been going to church and hanging around people that are not Christians but in the evening I’ll be calling someone to tell them that I will meet up with them in the next five minutes but am just waking up.Christians its never up to us to decide whether people are righteous or not.We like to see how other people are not walking right and seeing them by their mistakes and putting on Christian judgemental pharisee shoes.You are the one telling people how God cannot use them because of their sin and all.Lemmie just talk of this God who is merciful.Rahab was a prostistute but yet she still helped the people of God and she got a place in the hall of faith people.The bible says

  Matthew 7;3-4 
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brothers eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?How can you say to your brother”Let me speck out of your eye when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?You hypocrite,first take the plank out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brothers eye “

We don’t win people to Christ by judging them but by loving on people.Love conquers all and covers a multitude of sins.

#grace is sufficient




They say what you appreciate tends to get your total focus.Recent events in my life have really made me resolute to just be thankful in whatever season or situation.I remember in my younger years I used to love my dad more than my mom.My dad just treated me like his only precious princess.I mean I was his only girl.He always went overboard with me especially on my birthdays no wonder I love my birthday*sidenote(if a guy proposes on my birthday I mean am gonna say yes without thinking twice and am gonna be extra on the emotional part lol .My mum was on the strict side of things like her motto “spare the rod spoil the child” she  took it literally.One time I was seriously punished for simply OVERDILUTING JUICE!!!!!I was mad so mad I almost left the house you know just to the gate and back.

But on that rainy Wednesday night getting to hear that I was never going to see my dad again changed everything. Who else was gonna be there for me at my highest and lowest moments.Lemmie just take a moment and brag on my mum because she’s just the best at being both a dad and a mom.It took me losing my dad to appreciate my mom. I pray that it never takes a person dying for you to appreciate their value.Some people are there for a season nobody is sure of tomorrow .Take time to love on people to forgive more because at the end of the day when you forgive you free yourself.Appreciate people you do life with and if they disappoint you forgive them human beings were never meant to satisfy every of our desire.

Appreciate people who even hurt you because that is when you get to learn of your strongest personalities and move on.I am a believer and trust me there are days I wonder like where was God when everything fell apart but through it all God has been teaching me,moulding me and shaping me.How else would you appreciate good things if bad things didn’t happen .I love this song by Joel Lwaga,a Tanzanian gospel artiste that says

“Umeruhusu mazuri nifurahi tena nikishukuru na mabaya ili niwe hodari natena nikusifu”God allows us to go through tough times so we can grow so we can be the best versions of ourselves. The Bible says in Proverbs 3;12that the Lord disciplines those He loves .Be grateful when you go through trials because they had to happen for  a reason for a greater purpose.




Recently watched a video on YouTube where Kambua was sharing her story about bodyshaming and thought why not share my view or rather short story on it.I used to be a short(still am),small bodied girl and I remember a certain teacher in my primary school used to call me ‘Kadogo’.You can say maybe it was the teenage puberty stage that I got to in highschool where I just would eat.Some people tend to eat a lot and show no considerable weight increase but for me it was just the opposite.

I remember my mother asking if I was pregnant once just because of my weight increase.Yes that shocked me but now I just laugh as I remember her facial expression. So lets just say  I started gaining weight from there.So recently I got a call from a friend of mine,a person I hadn’t talk to in a while so you can imagine my excitement when I picked up the call but what he said first just left me wondering. “Hello,sasa,ghaai nmekumiss” “poa sana nmekumiss pia” “aki you are fat so fat”.. I wouldn’t have even noticed his statement but he kept emphasizing and straining on that point. Sometimes when people make such phrases and statements they tend to make you feel insecure and not good enough about yourself and especially when it gets to social gatherings and activities.Once read somewhere of someone who when every time she wanted to a full picture,she had to breathe in and suck her stomach in to achieve the flat belly  goal and most people are like that.When you are told you are fat you tend to do things that will make you not fat.But something about life people are always going to hold an opinion about how you look,your appearance and everything that makes you but one thing you are enough ,always enough whether you are slim or fat whether tall or short however you are ,you are enough its just up to you to remind yourself that you are enough and that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.




Its been almost three months since my last  blog post so am super excited about this one because its been in my heart to share it.It always easy to say the words “I am saved” but sometimes we rarely mean it.Are we able to take up the cross and be able to stand up for what we believe no matter who’s watching. I remember a while someone would ask me what my favourite artistes and songs and I would mention anything but a gospel artiste or a gospel song because I felt like it would make me less sociable.Its much easier to denounce what we believe in than face the horror of public humiliation and feeling unwanted.As humans we go through trying times we go through troubles that leave us wondering if there is  a God.

What happens when you lose your loved one or lose your most priced possession will you still be able to say even if this happened I will still praise my God.Recently read a story of one the victims of the Garissa terrorist attack and my goodness I wonder if I would have still praised if I still would trusted God.She was shot seven times and when help finally got to her she was airlifted to Kenyatta hospital where she stayed for five plus months. She became paralysed on the lower part of her body making her unable to do the basic things.Her mother overwhelmed by the anguish of seeing her daughter in pain became sick and  she collapsed.A few days later she died.

So for from one day to the next you lose the ability to walk again,you lose one of the most important people in your life and you still have to live with the pain of having lost close friends and the image of people who attacked you and left you for dead.Its never easy to still be able to worship,to praise Him when everything doesn’t work out.

Reading through Daniel 3 was just mind blowing.An order had been issued by the king for everyone to worship a golden image.Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego didn’t obey the order and when they were summoned they still insisted”I know my God can save,I know He will save us but Even if  he does not we want you to know that we will not bow down to your golden image.”I mean it would have been a million times easier to bow down to that golden image rather than been thrown to a blazing furnace that had been heated seven times!!!! I wonder if we can trust God even when things dont add up,when you lose the people you love most, when you get bad news after another.God I know you can save me through every single fire but even if you don’t my hope is you alone.




This is one of the most sweetest but most hard to explain because I can’t literally begin to tell you the magnitude of the Gods love.You ever imagined how it is like to loose an only child and not just loosing him or her but in the most worst possible way. How far can this love be that it was worth You sending Your only son to bear the pain of the cross,the brutal beating, the painful nails on his arms.There was this boy who lived in his father’s house and one point in time he decides to go on his way leave his father’s house and be independent.

He didn’t just wanna live his riches behind but go on with it.His father gave him his share of inheritance and all of it was squandered and after all the mess in his life he comes back home.His father sees him from a far runs to him and hugs him as hard.

He orders his servants to properly clothe him.How much is this love that no matter what we do and how we fall he still runs after us.I keep wondering how much this love is more than a mothers love,more than any girl or boy can say.No matter how much we fall,how much we sin He still loves.His love is worth Him sacrificing anything even a life.Im even lacking the right words to properly explain.His love is so protective so forgiving and so pursuing. He loves with no strings attached.Nothing we do can ever make him let go of us because we are firmly rooted in his grip

His love so patient so kind and a million times beautiful.No matter what we go through He is always there to remind us of His love.No matter how you look no matter what you think your worth He still sees you worth loving.


Recently,the sink at our place got blocked.we tried unblocking manually but it was doing some temporary good.It was hard to wash utensils let alone your hands because the water was just stagnant.we improvised for a while but then again it was still an issue.We later on decided to get someone who could fix it.The draining system was removed and I expected something like a block of wood to just be the cause of all this but it was little black particles and yes it was disgusting.This got me thinking of our lives are.We tend to always pile up dirty painful stuff and forget that there is always room to always let go.Just because he left you for another doesn’t mean you need to remain unforgiving.

 Maybe you still hurt that your daddy never came for visiting and you had really aimed to finish every single thing that was to be brought😂😂.You don’t have to change because someone else is not comfortable with the real and authentic you.We keep allowing small stuff to get to us and just keep dying inside. Some people love to talk and maybe ill about but the moment we let them inside its like giving them permission to rule us.Yes we do triple we do fail but it doesn’t mean that we are never like the phoenix which is known for rising back from the ashes.You can pretty much break those cycles and make room for what we truly deserve.You don’t have to do something nasty just because your friends are doing or its trendy.Make room and fix your leaks. Its never gonna be easy without Jesus .we fill ourselves up with the world but the world doesn’t know how to fix us because it pretty much didn’t make today do some clean up but first get Him on board.